Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I have post one night stand depression
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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