Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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