now i know why i became what i already was.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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