I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
