Those balls look pretty dangerous.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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