marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
