so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
