I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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