he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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