It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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