this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
