This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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