at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
