So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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