Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
be right there i have to get my cape
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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