can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize