Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
