After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
