Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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