there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
