Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
