why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
