Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
