Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Alive.
So much puke
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
