Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
