I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
