if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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