i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
