I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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