i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
