Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
