Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
