ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
