I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
