feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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