Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
