i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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