a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
