if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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