Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
