Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
