hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
