They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
