I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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