I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
