She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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