Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
