moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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