He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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