hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
