Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize