I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
