Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
dude i'm inner monologue high
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
