chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
