I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
