i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
