We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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