I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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