its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
