I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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