The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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