i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
