Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
