Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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