If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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