i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Randomize
